Session 35: Sound Relationship Habits Part 1 of 3 - Building a Friendship (Apr 3, 2018)
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Show Length - 23:37
Show Length - 23:37
Summary
Brian Mayer hosts the three part mini-series to help you develop habits that can make the relationship with your significant other more happy healthy. These habits are based on couples expert Dr. John Gottman and his Sound Relationship House. There are seven levels with each building on the other. In today’s message, which is part 1 of the series we discuss the background of his research and explore Level 1 of the house which is called Building Love Maps. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com
Today's Goodies
Resources
Brian Mayer hosts the three part mini-series to help you develop habits that can make the relationship with your significant other more happy healthy. These habits are based on couples expert Dr. John Gottman and his Sound Relationship House. There are seven levels with each building on the other. In today’s message, which is part 1 of the series we discuss the background of his research and explore Level 1 of the house which is called Building Love Maps. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com
Today's Goodies
- There are 6 predictors of divorce. Harsh Startups to Conversation, Presence of the Four Horsemen in Discussion – Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling, Emotional Flooding, Body Language (physiological responses), Failed Repair Attempts, and Bad Memories.
- Harsh Startups are usually attacks that begin with the word “you.” Conversations that have Harsh Startups end badly about 96% of the time. Use “I feel” statements instead.
- The Four Horsemen include Criticism which means we stray from the issue into an attack on our partner. Contempt is name calling, mocking, and eye-rolling. Defensiveness is the attempt to allude the issue at hand and not taking responsibility. Stonewalling occurs when we become emotionally flooding and we check out mentally.
- Flooding and Body Language are basically the body’s response to a conflict. Our pulse rate increases and we go into Fight/Flight/Freeze mode. We can no longer problem solve, think creatively, or listen appropriately.
- Failed Repair Attempts is anything that is done to help get a conversation or conflict back on track. Like simply saying “I’m sorry” or “Can we start over.” Repairs fails because they are done too late or not often enough.
- Bad Memories are harder to control, but they are present because everything has become clouded through the pain of the present. So wedding and honeymoon memories turn sour because of the conflict of today.
Resources
- Gottman Card Decks Available as an App
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