Session 167: His Needs - Respect (Dec 1, 2020)
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​Show Length - 18:14
Summary

Brian Mayer discusses her needs and his needs in this two part series.  It is true that often women desire to be loved and men desire to be respected.  But what do those two things actually mean. We will talk about this today so that you can start giving more of what your spouse really needs in your relationship.  We hope you are inspired by today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

Today's Goodies
  • It is often said that a man’s biggest need in a relationship is respect and a woman’s biggest need in a relationship is love.  So for purposes of our two part series on this subject, we are going to go with the premises that this true. 
  • The funny thing is though that it sometimes is hard to give one when we are not receiving the other.  So if a man does not feel respect he probably won’t love and if a woman does not feel loved she probably won’t show respect. 
  • In today’s episode, we will be spending time with the males and talking about this love need. 
  • This love and respect need is detailed in a book called Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs if you want to read more on that. 
  • Apparently the backbone of the books premise was created by asking the following question to both men and women.  “What would you choose, to be left alone and unloved or feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone?” 
  • Most men said they would rather be left alone and unloved rather than feel inadequate and disrespected.   
  • So as you know I always like to return to the dictionary to understand what is respect.  Respect is “a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.”  Inadequate means “the inability to deal with a situation or with life.”    
  • It is hard to know from where this deep sense that respect is more important to a man came from.  Is it something that is hard wired in?  Is it something that has developed over time through the centuries?  That is certainly a hard question to answer but most likely the answer probably is both. 
  • Let’s talk about some of the ways men feel respected the most in a relationship.  So women may need to listen up here! 
    • Encourage and Support.  This often means support probably for his work and career because men often feel valued in what they do for a living.  It can also mean encouragement when we do something kind for someone else. 
    • Asking a Man’s Opinion.   Men want to know their opinion is valued in a situation. It can make men feel like you value their intelligence. 
    • Show Appreciation for What Does Get Right.  All too often we can be critical of what our partner is doing wrong in a relationship, but we need to do more what is happening that is good. 
    • Be United in Front of Others.  It’s okay behind closed doors to vocalize frustration, but when around others it works best to show support. 
    • Listen.  When a man has something to say, he doesn’t need a lecture back, or a solution to his problem, or for a woman to take on his stress but just a listening ear first. ​
    • Give Him Space.  Most men tend to be withdrawers in the relationship meaning that they need a bit more space and independence.

Resources:
  • None Today

Thanks For Listening!
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  • As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.